I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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