DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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