Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
