Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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