I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
