Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
