What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
sex in a hospital.. check
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
