Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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