My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
