Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
