i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
