If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
