Someone shit on the floor
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
