I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
