I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
