she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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