i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
