Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
