I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
