In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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