I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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