dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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