My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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