tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
this boner is exhausting
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
