New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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