Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
