I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
