matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
