My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
