Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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