Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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