i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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