i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
