you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
