What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
