He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
