We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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