hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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