Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
