made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
