My first STD was from a foam party
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
