We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
