I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
