So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
