You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
