you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Everything about him screamed your future.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
