What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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