He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
