halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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