I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
